So you broke up. Before you even think about what to do next, where to go, or who to, umm, "hurt", know first the stages one goes through in a post-traumatic relationship. Understanding where you stand in can give you an idea of what to expect and how to prepare to keep your sanity from also, erm, "breaking".
First on the list: the constant questioning, "Why? Why? Why?"
Okay, so you can't think of any reason why he would dump you. You have fun together, you spend great time together, your family knows him well, his family knows you well, your friends and his friends vote for the both of you...in short, you are perfect for each other! But still, why? There could be a third party, but she doesn't add up at all! It's just impossible to beat the good ol' times you were together. So why, why, why? This is where it all starts. Even if your guy told you repeatedly, over and over again, why he dumped you, you just can't accept it. If, however, he didn't, of course you already knew, or you already have an idea of the reason or the possible reasons why he dumped you. And still! You can't accept it. You always ask yourself "why?" not because you don't know the answer, but because you just can't accept that he dumped you for a reason that you also cannot accept. It's like being used to the equation that 1+1=2, that when it becomes 1-1=0, you become hysterical. You bang your head many many times, and still, it's true. Until you begin to accept this, you move to stage 2.
The every hour, on-the-hour sobfest until your tear ducts run dry.
Crying...the symptom of weakness that goes straight from the infant stage. People cry not because they feel pain, or because they are hurt, or because they fail...People cry because they need help. It's a shout to someone or to somebody to comfort you, or give you what you need. The problem with being broken-hearted is that soothing the "crying" has a lot of requirements: You specifically need the same person who dumped you to comfort you and love you once again. This is stupid, but it is natural. And like what all babies have to go through, crying can lead to only two things - comfort from getting what you need, or comfort from realizing that you cannot get what you need. Until you acquire the latter, you move on to stage 3.
The urge to call him at three in the morning.
This is when you must have stopped the sobfest and realized that you're through with crying, so you've got a new plan to get him back to you. You try to reach for your phone and read through your treasured messages (from him) and decided to call him. You don't think about the time; you don't think about what he's probably doing; you don't think about what you're going to say; and you don't think about the possibility that you're just going to hurt yourself again with what you're about to do. You just want to call him. You want to talk to him. You want to tell him that you understand why he dumped you and that you realized that there was no point crying over him. You think that you've got over your broken relationship. Hell no. The urge to call him without even having an idea of "why" is a sure sign that you're not only convincing yourself that it's over, but that you also think that you can start all over again. No, it's not that easy. In fact, when you start to call him, and he answers the phone, you'll just gonna cry again, and perhaps even ask him to go back to you. This is like crying with some adult level of thinking. With crying, you're expecting the person to come to you. With calling, you're actually asking the person to come to you. Until you realize that he's not going anywhere near you, you move on to stage 4.
The urge to call him and say nothing. You just want to hear his voice.
So you finally accepted that he's not gonna come, whether you cry or call. But you still need to be comforted. You still want to convince yourself that he's there. You still want to hear his voice, as if he's near you, as if you're still together. So you still cannot accept that your relationship is through. It's not easy, I know. And I also know that his voice or just his face can calm you down. And slowly, the fact that your relationship has ended will finally sink in, and you move on to stage 5.
The Depression Diet where you can't eat anything, or you just want to eat!
It is quite common for depressed girls to lose appetite, but some also gain too much appetite. The key here is that your depression is costing you your health, and you feel helpless over it. You finally gave in. You have accepted that he dumped you for that reason, that he dumped you, that he's not gonna come back, and that your relationship is through. You have accepted all these things, but you still haven't gone over him and the fact that your relationship has ended. You accepted them as truth, as facts, so you become depressed. It's simple. You finally understood that you can't do anything about it anymore, and until you get over your depression, you move on to stage 6.
The urge to call him names.
This is when you muster up the courage and the energy you stored during the age of depression to finally be angry! You begin to think that he was unfair, that his reason or reasons are unreasonable, that he wasn't there when you needed him the most, that he didn't comfort you when you cried and almost hurt yourself because of him, that he hurt you when you loved him more than anyone else in the world. You think of hitting him hard on the face (or on the balls). You dream of setting his house or the third party's place on fire. You pray for his and her damnation. You might even attack him in school and at work and confront him for what he did to you. And still, you think about him. Even if you are full of anger, you still think of him. And this stage is very complicated, because it's like stage 2 (crying) in disguise. All of us have learned during childhood that our parents get what they want from us whenever they punish us. We become obedient because we are afraid to get beaten or scolded. This is the same unconscious tactic you use when you're in this stage. You are actually going mad over him because you unconsciously think that punishing him would bring him back to you. After all, there was a time in your relationship when he did his very best to calm you when you're furious over him. This is like forgetting what you have already accepted in the depression stage, because you've got a hint of hope. And until it sinks in to you again that getting mad is not gonna work, you move on to stage 7.
The zero-energy days (or weeks, or months) when you just want to stay in bed and listen to senti music.
You did everything that you can to get him back. You asked yourself "why?", you cried, you called, you got angry, and still, he's nowhere near you. You're exhausted, you're tired, and you just want to remember the good ol' days when you were together...This is when you finally realize that your relationship has ended, and that your placing those memories into a file that's named "past". You're reminiscing, and you're lamenting about the loss. And when you finally stopped re-playing those taped memories over and over into your head, you move on to stage 8.
The absolute loss of self-esteem when you begin to think that he stopped loving you, or cheated on you, or changed his mind about being with you, because you put on some weight, acquired wrinkles, lost your sense of humor, or are ugly.
This is the stage when you transfer your attention from him and your past relationship to you. You begin to blame yourself for what happened. You start to get angry with yourself. And you start to hurt yourself. Don't! Sure, you could be the reason why he dumped you, but you were also the reason why he loved you in the first place, and you will also be the reason why another guy would bring you love once again.
Surviving a breakup is difficult to do, but it is not impossible to overcome. Listen to the stories of women who conquered their breakups, and learn the lessons. Surviving a breakup begins with knowing you can have fun again.