So you broke up. Before you even think about what to do next, where to go, or who to, umm, "hurt", know first the stages one goes through in a post-traumatic relationship. Understanding where you stand in can give you an idea of what to expect and how to prepare to keep your sanity from also, erm, "breaking".
First on the list: the constant questioning, "Why? Why? Why?"
Okay, so you can't think of any reason why he would dump you. You have fun together, you spend great time together, your family knows him well, his family knows you well, your friends and his friends vote for the both of you...in short, you are perfect for each other! But still, why? There could be a third party, but she doesn't add up at all! It's just impossible to beat the good ol' times you were together. So why, why, why? This is where it all starts. Even if your guy told you repeatedly, over and over again, why he dumped you, you just can't accept it. If, however, he didn't, of course you already knew, or you already have an idea of the reason or the possible reasons why he dumped you. And still! You can't accept it. You always ask yourself "why?" not because you don't know the answer, but because you just can't accept that he dumped you for a reason that you also cannot accept. It's like being used to the equation that 1+1=2, that when it becomes 1-1=0, you become hysterical. You bang your head many many times, and still, it's true. Until you begin to accept this, you move to stage 2.
The every hour, on-the-hour sobfest until your tear ducts run dry.
Crying...the symptom of weakness that goes straight from the infant stage. People cry not because they feel pain, or because they are hurt, or because they fail...People cry because they need help. It's a shout to someone or to somebody to comfort you, or give you what you need. The problem with being broken-hearted is that soothing the "crying" has a lot of requirements: You specifically need the same person who dumped you to comfort you and love you once again. This is stupid, but it is natural. And like what all babies have to go through, crying can lead to only two things - comfort from getting what you need, or comfort from realizing that you cannot get what you need. Until you acquire the latter, you move on to stage 3.
The urge to call him at three in the morning.
This is when you must have stopped the sobfest and realized that you're through with crying, so you've got a new plan to get him back to you. You try to reach for your phone and read through your treasured messages (from him) and decided to call him. You don't think about the time; you don't think about what he's probably doing; you don't think about what you're going to say; and you don't think about the possibility that you're just going to hurt yourself again with what you're about to do. You just want to call him. You want to talk to him. You want to tell him that you understand why he dumped you and that you realized that there was no point crying over him. You think that you've got over your broken relationship. Hell no. The urge to call him without even having an idea of "why" is a sure sign that you're not only convincing yourself that it's over, but that you also think that you can start all over again. No, it's not that easy. In fact, when you start to call him, and he answers the phone, you'll just gonna cry again, and perhaps even ask him to go back to you. This is like crying with some adult level of thinking. With crying, you're expecting the person to come to you. With calling, you're actually asking the person to come to you. Until you realize that he's not going anywhere near you, you move on to stage 4.
The urge to call him and say nothing. You just want to hear his voice.
So you finally accepted that he's not gonna come, whether you cry or call. But you still need to be comforted. You still want to convince yourself that he's there. You still want to hear his voice, as if he's near you, as if you're still together. So you still cannot accept that your relationship is through. It's not easy, I know. And I also know that his voice or just his face can calm you down. And slowly, the fact that your relationship has ended will finally sink in, and you move on to stage 5.
The Depression Diet where you can't eat anything, or you just want to eat!
It is quite common for depressed girls to lose appetite, but some also gain too much appetite. The key here is that your depression is costing you your health, and you feel helpless over it. You finally gave in. You have accepted that he dumped you for that reason, that he dumped you, that he's not gonna come back, and that your relationship is through. You have accepted all these things, but you still haven't gone over him and the fact that your relationship has ended. You accepted them as truth, as facts, so you become depressed. It's simple. You finally understood that you can't do anything about it anymore, and until you get over your depression, you move on to stage 6.
The urge to call him names.
This is when you muster up the courage and the energy you stored during the age of depression to finally be angry! You begin to think that he was unfair, that his reason or reasons are unreasonable, that he wasn't there when you needed him the most, that he didn't comfort you when you cried and almost hurt yourself because of him, that he hurt you when you loved him more than anyone else in the world. You think of hitting him hard on the face (or on the balls). You dream of setting his house or the third party's place on fire. You pray for his and her damnation. You might even attack him in school and at work and confront him for what he did to you. And still, you think about him. Even if you are full of anger, you still think of him. And this stage is very complicated, because it's like stage 2 (crying) in disguise. All of us have learned during childhood that our parents get what they want from us whenever they punish us. We become obedient because we are afraid to get beaten or scolded. This is the same unconscious tactic you use when you're in this stage. You are actually going mad over him because you unconsciously think that punishing him would bring him back to you. After all, there was a time in your relationship when he did his very best to calm you when you're furious over him. This is like forgetting what you have already accepted in the depression stage, because you've got a hint of hope. And until it sinks in to you again that getting mad is not gonna work, you move on to stage 7.
The zero-energy days (or weeks, or months) when you just want to stay in bed and listen to senti music.
You did everything that you can to get him back. You asked yourself "why?", you cried, you called, you got angry, and still, he's nowhere near you. You're exhausted, you're tired, and you just want to remember the good ol' days when you were together...This is when you finally realize that your relationship has ended, and that your placing those memories into a file that's named "past". You're reminiscing, and you're lamenting about the loss. And when you finally stopped re-playing those taped memories over and over into your head, you move on to stage 8.
The absolute loss of self-esteem when you begin to think that he stopped loving you, or cheated on you, or changed his mind about being with you, because you put on some weight, acquired wrinkles, lost your sense of humor, or are ugly.
This is the stage when you transfer your attention from him and your past relationship to you. You begin to blame yourself for what happened. You start to get angry with yourself. And you start to hurt yourself. Don't! Sure, you could be the reason why he dumped you, but you were also the reason why he loved you in the first place, and you will also be the reason why another guy would bring you love once again.
Surviving a breakup is difficult to do, but it is not impossible to overcome. Listen to the stories of women who conquered their breakups, and learn the lessons. Surviving a breakup begins with knowing you can have fun again.
Showing posts with label Girlaloo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Girlaloo. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Get the Celebrity Look - 10 Ways to Look like a Holywood Celebrity
You might want to work for Holywood, but that could be impossible, so you just want to steal their looks and live your celeb life with simple makeups and 'dos. Here's a no-fuss list of how to look like your favorite celebrities.
- Black Magic: Black-lined eyes look glamorous on-stage and off-cam. Keep the line near your lashes with a liner brush, and put on a nude or a peach lippie to go with the look. You don't want to look like a witch; you want to look like a celebrity, so never overdo this with dark lips.
- Red Alert: Bright red lips draw attention, and they can also make your pearls look whiter than normal. Try adding volume and shine to your lips with a light gloss, and don't ever forget to smile!
- Fuss-free Locks: Even celebrities have a bad hair day, but they always look cool when they do. Go for a natural look with a loose updo. Finger-comb your hair and match your relaxed hair with a sophisticated getup (you don't want to look like you've just rolled out of bed...sigh).
- Pretty Pastel: Use pastel colors for a younger and more delicate look. But don't overdo. Use a beige eye shadow and keep the rest of the face pale if you're using pink blush and lippie.
- Blushing Beauty: Look strikingly fresh with a blush. Stroke downwards to reduce pore. And never enhance the cheekbone if you have a round face.
- Barely There: Glow naturally without make-up. Simply apply a bronzer to reduce the shine, and a moisturizer with SPF to maintain smoothness.
- Fringe Benefits: Enhance your cheekbones with a straight bangs (right on top of your eyes), and look futuristic. Slide those bangs to the side when they grow long, but you can also trim them down to keep the shape.
- Central Part: Change your look instantly by changing the way your hair is parted. Try for a central divide with a fine-toothed comb when your hair is wet, then air-dry.
- Short Cut: Cut that hair short, but don't overdo with a tomboyish cut. Ask for layers, and always air dry. Blow drying don't look cool with short hairs.
- Head Gear: Look hippie with a bandana. Use old scarves for a more vintage feel. Let your hair fall down naturally to avoid looking too primped.
How to Live like a Celebrity
Want to know how celebrities manage to become so popular and seem so perfect? Here's a list of how the pros coach them to be one, and learn to live like a celebrity, one step at a time.
Tailor-fit your clothes. Jay Manuel, stylist and host of Style Her Famous, shares: "The key to looking as glam as a celeb is getting the fit of your clothes just right. Spend $20 on a dress from H&M, and $20 on alterations from your local tailor. Ask him to hem the dress to the right length for your height and to bring up the sleeves so they fall perfectly on your arms. The result? It'll look like you're wearing a $400 dress!"
Customize your meal. Harley Pasternak, celebrity nutritionist and personal trainer, and who's worked with Sophia Bush, Alicia Keys and Eva Mendes, shares: "I always tell clients to start meals with a glass of water. It hydrates you and fills you up so you're less likely to eat too much. Also, ask the waiter to take away the bread so you don't have to resist temptation. And don't be afraid to customize your order. Ask for meats grilled, not pan-fried, and get sauces on the side so you'll use less."
Trust your gut-feeling. Terry Iacuzzo, celebrity psychic adviser, who keeps her A-list client's identities a secret, and author of Small Mediums at Large, shares: "To help clients hone their intuition, I tell them to pay attention to their first impressions of people. Your sixth sense can tell you a lot about someone. But don't rewrite your impression to sit your needs - stick to that initial gut feeling you had. Once you do it regularly, your intuition will get sharper, and you'll make better decisions."
Practice being discreet. Scott Appel, publicist and founder of Scott Appel Public Relations, and who's worked with Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ashley Tisdale, shares: "I advise my clients to hiold their head high no matter what. If someone syas something judgmental about you, the best response is, 'You don't know the whole story.' Just remeber to be discreet - today, anything you say or do could be captured by someone's cell phone and end up on YouTube the next morning!"
Know your angles. George Holz, celebrity photographer who's shot stars like Lauren Conrad, Hilary Duff and JoJo, shares: "Try various poses and expressions in the mirror to see which look best. Then have a friend take photos of you with a digital camera. Figure out what you love about your favorite shots and copy those poses next time you're in front of the lens. One great tip is to laugh a little bit when posing - it'll make your smile more radiant."
Do your research. Chuck James, senior talent agent at the Gersh Agency in LA, and who's worked with Elisha Cuthbert and Mena Suvari, shares: "The key to acing a job interview or audition is to learn everything you can about the company and the person you're meeting with first. In the interview, mention what appeals to you about the job. If you're nervous, break the ice by saying so - admitting it and making light of it with a big smile will help get people on your side."
Decorate your room. Todd Oldham, interior designer to stars like Sarah Jessica Parker and Amy Sedaris, shares: "The best way to decorate a room to reflect who you are is to make a statement. Like, paint one wall a bold color - and don't be afraid to repaint whenever you need a change. I tell clients that the way to make any room look better is to get rid of clutter. Go through your stuff and pick out what you want on display. Store, toss or donate the rest."
Care for your skin. Kate Somerville, celebrity skin care guru, who's worked with Jessica Alba, Kerry Washington and Kristen Bell, shares: I have clients start exfoliating their face two weeks before a big event to lift away dead skin. Do it every other day with a face wash containing round beads or fruit enzymes. If you feel a zit coming on, dry it out by spot-treating it with a bacteria-killing product with sulfur."
Tailor-fit your clothes. Jay Manuel, stylist and host of Style Her Famous, shares: "The key to looking as glam as a celeb is getting the fit of your clothes just right. Spend $20 on a dress from H&M, and $20 on alterations from your local tailor. Ask him to hem the dress to the right length for your height and to bring up the sleeves so they fall perfectly on your arms. The result? It'll look like you're wearing a $400 dress!"
Customize your meal. Harley Pasternak, celebrity nutritionist and personal trainer, and who's worked with Sophia Bush, Alicia Keys and Eva Mendes, shares: "I always tell clients to start meals with a glass of water. It hydrates you and fills you up so you're less likely to eat too much. Also, ask the waiter to take away the bread so you don't have to resist temptation. And don't be afraid to customize your order. Ask for meats grilled, not pan-fried, and get sauces on the side so you'll use less."
Trust your gut-feeling. Terry Iacuzzo, celebrity psychic adviser, who keeps her A-list client's identities a secret, and author of Small Mediums at Large, shares: "To help clients hone their intuition, I tell them to pay attention to their first impressions of people. Your sixth sense can tell you a lot about someone. But don't rewrite your impression to sit your needs - stick to that initial gut feeling you had. Once you do it regularly, your intuition will get sharper, and you'll make better decisions."
Practice being discreet. Scott Appel, publicist and founder of Scott Appel Public Relations, and who's worked with Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ashley Tisdale, shares: "I advise my clients to hiold their head high no matter what. If someone syas something judgmental about you, the best response is, 'You don't know the whole story.' Just remeber to be discreet - today, anything you say or do could be captured by someone's cell phone and end up on YouTube the next morning!"
Know your angles. George Holz, celebrity photographer who's shot stars like Lauren Conrad, Hilary Duff and JoJo, shares: "Try various poses and expressions in the mirror to see which look best. Then have a friend take photos of you with a digital camera. Figure out what you love about your favorite shots and copy those poses next time you're in front of the lens. One great tip is to laugh a little bit when posing - it'll make your smile more radiant."
Do your research. Chuck James, senior talent agent at the Gersh Agency in LA, and who's worked with Elisha Cuthbert and Mena Suvari, shares: "The key to acing a job interview or audition is to learn everything you can about the company and the person you're meeting with first. In the interview, mention what appeals to you about the job. If you're nervous, break the ice by saying so - admitting it and making light of it with a big smile will help get people on your side."
Decorate your room. Todd Oldham, interior designer to stars like Sarah Jessica Parker and Amy Sedaris, shares: "The best way to decorate a room to reflect who you are is to make a statement. Like, paint one wall a bold color - and don't be afraid to repaint whenever you need a change. I tell clients that the way to make any room look better is to get rid of clutter. Go through your stuff and pick out what you want on display. Store, toss or donate the rest."
Care for your skin. Kate Somerville, celebrity skin care guru, who's worked with Jessica Alba, Kerry Washington and Kristen Bell, shares: I have clients start exfoliating their face two weeks before a big event to lift away dead skin. Do it every other day with a face wash containing round beads or fruit enzymes. If you feel a zit coming on, dry it out by spot-treating it with a bacteria-killing product with sulfur."
How to Tell If Your Friend is SICK or Just Plain SKINNY
It's not easy to spot a sick or a skinny friend, but being a friend means being concerned over the health of your friend (or friends). Check out these telling signs of sick or just plain skinny friend:
A sick friend...
- pretends to eat. Your friend may deceive you as if she's eating more than she actually does when she scatters her food around the plate (to make it look like the food has miraculously disappeared), when she cuts her food into tiny bits so that a piece may look like more than it actually is, and when she chews her food for a very, very looong time as if she's been chewing the same piece the entire time she spent in front of the table. When your friend pretends to eat, she does not want anyone to notice that she's starving herself too much, and in an unhealthy way.
- exercises too much. Your friend may be eating a lot, but if she's excercising too much, it means that she wants to get rid of all the calories she takes in. She could be religiously working out everyday for more than an hour (with no apparent reason), and she often gets anxious and frustrated (or even scared) when she misses just a single day.
- looks puffed up and pale. Throwing up is one common way of getting rid of the food eaten. Your friend might appear overwhelmingly stuffed with food whenever you're together (and when she's outside), but whenever she's alone, she could be forcing herself to throw up all the food she's eaten. Vomitting makes the throat glands swell, making her more puffed than usual. And if she's not digesting enough food, she would look dull and pale, a sure sign that she's not getting the nutrients that she need.
- is skin and bones. We build muscles by the food we eat, specifically food rich in protein. If your friend has been losing too much weight - a dress size - in less than a month, she could be not eating enough protein to build muscles.
- isolates herself. Your friend may try to avoid you and her other friends if she's too focused with her exercise routine, or just because your friendship spells food - that is, when you hang out at the mall, or just at school munching on your favorite sweets and junks.
A skinny friend...
- works out regularly. It isn't sudden, and you've known her to be like so even before, or she's not overdoing it. Exercising for an hour or less five to six times a week is considered healthy exercise.
- eats like everyone else, or even more. She's eating 3 square meals a day, she's not avoiding her friends when they invite her to eat lunch or dinner with them, and she's eating even more than average because she needs the extra energy to keep up with her metablic rate.
- has always been thin. Her childhood photos show it, her siblings show it, and her parents (or just one of them) show it too. It's probably in her genetic makeup, and you've known her to be skinny even before, so what's there to question?
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